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Nasty or Nice. What Kind of Divorce Attorney Do You Need?


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Nasty or Nice. What Kind of Divorce Attorney Do You Need?

The answer is … A smart attorney. Smart and nice to you is even better. You want someone who specializes in family law and divorce law. Someone that you feel comfortable telling your life story to. You need someone who listens and respects you and who gives you honest and realistic answers and advice.

Divorce is a traumatic experience. You don’t deserve to be bullied and besides, given the challenges of divorcing, it just might send you over the edge.

Often you hear: “I’m not sure if I have the right attorney because s/he is, well, too nice … and my spouse can be very nasty. I need someone I know will fight hard for me.” There seems to be a misconception, especially in high conflict situations, that it takes a really nasty personality to outsmart the other side and get the job done.

Fact is, the “nasty” approach is what drives up legal bills (on both sides) and it creates so much adversity that co-parenting becomes nearly impossible in future. Furthermore, your attorney’s job is negotiating, for you, with “the other side.” If your attorney can’t even treat you well, chances are s/he doesn’t have the skills and talent a negotiator needs to succeed. Such an attorney is probably more comfortable in an adversarial courtroom setting and that means huge legal bills for you. Keep in mind, the more money you spend fighting the less you will have left to create a new life.

So instead of a surly, imposing human, it’s best to hire a smart, strategic-thinking attorney who can creatively apply the rules of law, and facts of your situation, to help you negotiate a fair settlement. Also keep in mind that attorneys, like doctors, also specialize.

For example, some attorneys like the challenge of a contentious, high conflict divorce whereas others won’t take a case likely to end up in court. There are attorneys known by their peers for expertise in custody matters, or dividing complicated estates, or international law as it affects a foreign born spouse and children. Some attorneys don’t value mediation, so if you plan to mediate be sure to select an attorney whose reputation is pro-mediation.

Family law is complicated therefore it is wise to do your homework before you hire someone. Learn about the legal process, know your finances and figure out what type of attorney expertise you need. Then interview several attorneys with a good reputation for handling your situation and trust your instincts. If you don’t connect with a particular attorney, move on and find someone that’s a better fit.

Fortunately, today many judges and family law attorneys believe going to court should be a last resort. Currently only 5% of all divorce cases end up in court. It’s seen as a very expensive, demoralizing, and risky route to take only after all other options have been exhausted. So the skills that make a good divorce attorney today have changed from the traditional bully to a smart negotiator.

That being said, there still are attorneys who prefer the old-style, adversarial theatrics of court. It brings in big bucks for their law firm sweetening the deal for them, but not you. So buyer beware.

As you move through the tasks of divorcing remind yourself you need and deserve a good return on your legal investment. Sadly, that important fact often gets trampled by the painful emotions and egos that drive divorcing. The style of attorney you (and your spouse) choose sets the tone for your divorce and often the cost. Unfortunately, if one of you chooses an inept or litigious attorney it affects both of you.

Tell yourself, and your soon-to-be ex, that this difficult transition is a small blimp on the road of life. It too shall pass and you each deserve the best start possible to build a new life for yourself and any children you may have. You have more control than you realize.

Article appeared in the Huffington Post

About:

Bertus Preller is a Divorce Attorney in Cape Town and has more than 20 years experience in most sectors of the law and 13 years as a practicing attorney. He specializes in Family law and Divorce Law at Abrahams and Gross Attorneys Inc. in Cape Town. Bertus is also the Family Law expert on Health24.com and on the expert panel of Law24.com and is frequently quoted on Family Law issues in newspapers such as the Sunday Times and Business Times and magazines such as Noseweek, You and Huisgenoot, and also appeared on SABC television on the 3 Talk TV show. His clients include artists, celebrities, sports people and high networth individuals. His areas of expertise are Divorce Law, Family Law, Divorce Mediation, Parenting Plans, Parental Responsibilities and Rights, Custody (care and contact) of children, same sex marriages, unmarried fathers rights, domestic violence matters, international divorce law, digital rights, media law and criminal law.

The divorce rate amongst celebrities


Nearly 50% of Americans divorce at some point of time in their lives, but somehow we always hope the happily-ever after continues from the reel life to real life for our celebrities too. But by celebrity standards, year 2011 already seems to have a reached a nadir.

The break-ups number more than a dozen this year. Long time sweet-hearts Chalize Theron and Stuart Townsend split after nine-years of togetherness.

Sandra Bullock got bit by the Oscar curse and divorced husband Jesse James. The ball kept on rolling with Kate Winslet separating from husband Sam Mendes.

The list so far includes the divorces of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Daniel Baldwin and Joanne Clare Baldwin, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brad Womack and Emily Maynard, Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, Cheryl and Ashley Cole, Tiger Woods and Elle Nordegren, Courtney Cox and David Arquette, Al Gore and Tipper, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry, George Lopez and wife Ann, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, Kelsey Grammar and wife, and Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman.

The US has the world’s highest marriage rate of 9.8 per 1000 as well as the world’s highest divorce rate of 4.95 per 1000.

In a recent study done on Golden Globe award winners revealed that of the celebrities who had been married, the average number of marriages was 1.4, while the average number of divorces was 0.65. The probability of a famous union surviving is only 35 percent, so the odds are 1.9 to 1 against the marriage.

Celebrity marriages are remarkable for their instability. The much-touted 50 percent failure rate for American marriages soars as one’s star rises. The divorce rate among celebrities may be as high as 80 percent, according to Raul Felder a celebrity divorce lawyer in the United States who has represented Rudy Giuliani, Robin Givens, Carol Channing, David Merrick, Riddick Bowe, the former Mrs. Carl Sagan, the former Mrs. Tom Clancy, the former Mrs. Patrick Ewing, and the former Mrs. Martin Scorsese.

An article based on interviews of divorce lawyers in the United States reveals that the most common factors for celebrity divorces are that one of the couple moves up or trades up in movie biz parlance, addiction of some kind, waning of stardom, public infidelity and narcissism.

The most expensive celebrity split was that of Rupert Murdoch, who we will remember as the owner of the now infamous News of the World Newspaper when he divorce from wife Anna where he paid up $1.7 billion to her. Guy Ritchie and Madonna divorce cost $76 million, Tiger Woods- Elle Nordegren have reportedly settled for an estimated $750 million.

If somebody adds up all the expenses on marriages and divorces of celebrities the world over, it surely might even exceed the gross national income of a fairly mid-sized nation like South Africa.

Celebrity Divorce Records


Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander. Lasted for 55 hours.

Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra. Lasted for 9 days in November 1998.

Mario Lopez married Ali Landry on 24 April 2004; two weeks later she had the marriage annulled.

Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas, from 20 March to 28 April 1994.

Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger, married on the television program Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire February 15, 2000. Annulled April 5, 2000.

Colin Farrell and Amelia Warner, from July to November 2001.

Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush, married 16 April 2005, announced their separation 26 September 2005. Bush sought an annulment (citing “fraud”) in February 2006.

Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd. Lasted 6 months.

Shannon Doherty and Ashley Hamilton. Lasted 6 months.

Axl Rose and Erin Everly, married April of 1990. Rose filed for divorce one month later, but the two made up; the marriage was annulled in January 1991.

Jennifer Lopez and Ojani Noa married on 22 February 1997, lasted 11 months

Drew Barrymore and Tom Green, married 7 July 2001, Green filled for divorce on 17 December 2001, became official 15 October 2002.

Liza Minnelli and David Gest, married from March 16, 2002 to July 25, 2003

Source Wikipedia

Compiled by: http://www.divorceattorney.co.za

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